Diaries Of a Dirty Open Mic-er - Dec

It’s Decemberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! Which means the last few gigs of the year! At the start of the year, I really wasn’t enjoying my comedy. It was a long ol’ winter, which is better for comedy, really, but that turned around pretty sharpish in February. Then I made the promise to myself to love it. Loving this comes easy; for me, there is nothing better than making somebody laugh. It’s amazing when you do it with friends in the pub, and it’s even better when you put in time and effort to try to do it for the masses. Masses is generous, but rooms of 30–100 people at a time. Which is kind of masses because I definitely don’t have 30 close friends, and if I did, the chances that all 30 of my friends would like one another is very slim.

I have loved it this year—everything about it—and I don’t even do everything about it. Recently, I listened to a pod called “Open Mic Comedy Podcast.” This episode was with Kyle Wallace from G&B Comedy. They spoke about all things open miccery along with a promoter’s point of view—it’s very good, give it a listen!

Something that stuck with me is the mention of rehearsal or your jokes. Something I never, ever, ever do. I see the utility in it… I actually think it’s a fantastic idea and that everybody should do it, but I am just an arrogant, lazy basterd. I remember my 5th gig I ever did was a gong show. I went on first and bombed horribly!! The worst bomb that anybody ever bombed a bomb! I forgot all my jokes… or I didn’t, because I never remembered them. My thinking was, “Well, they came from my brain, I should be able to remember what I thought that one time about sausages…” After the worst bomb I’d ever faced, I promised that I would learn my material better. Unfortunately, I am a liar. Weirdly, though, I’ve been getting away with it, but I do write a lot of jokes that I don’t do because I can’t remember them and can’t be bothered to practice them.

Does anybody reading this rehearse their sets? Let me know in the comments if you do—I’d be interested in having a discussion about it. Just so you know, I really don’t see any downside going in. It allows you to know what you’re going to say and how, what actions you will do, etc. It will just add to the entire performance as a whole. The only thing I can think that may be negative is that it might seem a little bit rehearsed when you do it, which does make a difference.A friend of mine said you have to learn it and then forget it… whatever that means.I think I should do it. The problem is that the writing side of it is my favorite bit… well, and seeing it through on stage, but the bit in between? Urghhhhh. Please, let it just get from page to stage as fast and with as little effort as possible. It’s not a good attitude, I recognise that, and it is something that I will be working on in my next year of comedy!

Another thing this year: I had 2 months off comedy because of life. I work a full-time job and have other commitments, as I’m sure a lot of other people do who do open mic comedy hoping to turn it into something more. I had that time off and I still managed 150+ gigs this year. How many of these were local gigs? Maybe 10. So when I see my contemporaries crying about not getting local gigs, I really have no time for it. Go further afield… do different gigs!

Next year, the plan is to write a show for the Edinburgh Free Fringe and do a full run. So I’ll be looking to do some previews. If anybody can help me out with that, I’d be very grateful. Contact me on here or through my socials.

Anyway, this month I did 11 gigs, and here is the breakdown:

Zephyr, Bournemouth: This was a lovely gig where I did mostly new stuff that I didn’t rehearse at all. It went pretty well, but it was new, so not amazingly. 5.5/10

Winchester gig: This was tough. I was first on, which honestly doesn’t bother me too much anymore. But the crowd were rowdy, I wasn’t in the mindset for it, I just wanted to get on, do my new stuff, and get off. I got on. Didn’t do my new stuff. Did okay all things considered and left. 5/10

Portsmouth gig: Another gig with a small audience where I did the new stuff from Zephyr and bombed horribly for 10 minutes straight while also insulting the other comedians mistakenly. I apologised afterwards, don’t worry. 2/10

Newbury gig: Another gig with a few people there. Very nice crowd. I did a few new bits—it went quite well, but was by no means a good performance by me. 4/10

Belgium and Blues: Went amazingly. I literally could not have asked for more at this gig. I could have curated it better—I ended up with a stacked bill because I’m a rubbish promoter. But it was fun! I MC’d.

The Snug: Another excellent evening at The Snug for the last show of the year. The audience were on board and lovely, as were the acts. I MC’d again. Great fun!

Mirth gig: Went brilliantly. Always beautiful to be on a pro lineup with other excellent acts! And I did well too. 6/10

Bristol double header: Urghhhhhh. Bristol on a Sunday to bomb 2x in a row—it was rougher than your dad’s stubble. Overall 2/10—1 point for each gig done that night.

Poole gig: Went really well with a lively crowd that were having a Christmas party, I believe. They were lovely, just wanted to chat. Not ideal when you want to get out new material, but it’s fine—they had fun and so did I. 6/10

Salisbury gig: Always love this gig and it never fails to have an excellent crowd! Did some older stuff again due to not being ready or rehearsing my newer stuff. It went well and I was happy with my performance. 6/10

For anybody reading the rating and thinking, my gig is great it isnt a 2/10!!!! Correct this is a rating or my performance so chill out!

That’s it! That is all of my gigs for the foreseeable future. Now I’ll have about 6 weeks off comedy—not because I want to, just because I have to live my real life. Although I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to a bit of a break from working all day to driving all night, getting very little sleep to do it all again. I won’t be having full time off—I’ll be writing and rehearsing, obviously!I’m looking forward to coming back, being rusty, and hating how shit I am.

Kiss Arse Section

This section is about comics that I have seen in my last month of gigging that I thought, “Goodness me, they have had a great set!” or I have really enjoyed their jokes. It seems to become less and less, unfortunately, as although I love comedy, work pressure causes me to have to leave early most of the time so that I can get a good night’s sleep. That, or the shame of bombing makes me leave early. These people I’d recommend booking if you can:

Matt Pugsley: MC’d the show I was at and did a really excellent job of it. Did a lot of material that was all great—had a routine about assisted suicide that was excellent. Highly recommend. As a side note, he doesn’t need my praise—he seems to be doing well on his own.

Stephen Carlin: Opened the show and was excellent throughout. Really loved his material—from Hitler to heroin, which, to be fair, if Hitler could have gotten his hands on it, he probably did do it. Another comic that is doing fantastically without my input, but again, I really enjoyed his set.

Tim Saint: Had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand! Was a fantastic middle spot with excellent jokes about how when his dad gives him news, it’s always that somebody is dead or gay. Again, doing well without my recommendations.

Jon Gibbons: Brilliantly hilarious, playful, silly, absurd in places—thoroughly enjoyed his set and his energy. Once more, a guy that doesn’t need me to big him up!

That’s it, people! All done! Finito! That’s the year over. I’ll be looking forward to continuing this next year. I hope everybody reading has a Merry Christmas. If you don’t celebrate Christmas, don’t be annoyed—just appreciate the sentiment and move on with your life like an adult.

Cya!